…disco inferno! Or, summer inferno. Or, whatever.
If you’re like me and have gone back to work today, chances are you are:
a) suffering from an affliction I like to call ‘the dumb’
b) mortally depressed
c) praying to some sort of god that you will be transported back home to continue watching cricket and eating mangoes
d) all of the above
then hopefully this might cheer you up. I spent my 2 week break lying by the pool (apologies to anyone not in Sydney, it seems we were the only ones who got tolerable weather for the break) and now I am brown and relaxed and incredibly well read, thanks to all the magazines I devoured whilst lying by the pool getting brown.
‘Tanning?’ you say, ‘What’s this? Haven’t you seen those creepy ads where the cancer turns into a slimy little black monster and gets into your bloodstream? And you haven’t even started burning yet?! For the love of god, kill the little black monster!!’. Yes. Yes, I have seen the horrifying tanning ad. Thank you government scare campaigns. I get squeamish every time it comes on and, believe me, I am ever vigilant in the fight against cancer monsters. I slip slop slap, wear a hat, wear sunscreen every day, wear sunglasses etc etc. But, come on, we are a nation of lizards. There is nothing more relaxing than lying by the pool/lying on the sand and enjoying the heat. It just means we have to be more careful. I will be the first to admit that I spent a good many years very stupidly frying myself in pursuit of a tan. These days, I am slightly more sensible. And that brings me to todays awesomeness.
Spray sunscreen. It’s not new. You’ve seen the ads. But…wow…use it! Banana Boat UltraMist SPF 30 clear spray is waterproof, moisturising, rub free, broad spectrum UVA/UVB (means doubly nasties protection) and dries instantly. Not as romantic as getting someone to rub sunscreen on your back for you, but a darn sight quicker! I recommend doing it outside or in a well ventilated area because it’s pretty powerful juice. ‘Carn, you have no excuses with a spray!
Price: $14.95 (or there abouts)
From: Your local chemist.
Why you need it: So you don’t look like a lobster and end up with the slimy black cancer bug.
Now…I know tanning is bad. I know! I’m a big advocate of fake tan. But. I found a great product that you can slap on over your Banana Boat UltraMist and you will go lovely and brown very quickly, but not burn. No burning. It’s called Maui Babe Browning Lotion. Sounds very 80s doesn’t it? It’s a greasy oily mess and you smell like a chocolate peanut satay, but that’s cool. It keeps bugs away (win), it has aloe in it so it keeps your skin hydrated and cool (double win), and you brown up quicker than you can say melanoma, so you don’t need to be out there on your towel for hours. It’s from Hawaii (did the name give it away?) so you can either pop on over to the islands and grab some at an ABC Store, or order online. Buy in bulk to save on shipping and split it amongst your friends. You can all smell like chocolate peanut satay together!
Price: starts at $10.95 for 4oz bottle
From: The Maui Babe Website
Why you need it: So you don’t have orange palms.